This Guy is a Total Jerk Off

In more ways than one!

A judge ordered a California man — convicted for ejaculating into a co-worker’s water bottles — to pay more than $27,000 to his victim.

Superior Court Judge Walter Schwarm said Monday Michael Kevin Lallana, of Fullerton, Calif., must pay restitution for therapy and loss of wages, reports the Orange County Register.

Lallana was sentenced to 180 days behind bars after he was convicted of twice putting semen in his co-worker’s water bottle without her knowledge at a Newport Beach, Calif., financial company last year.

The victim sent the water bottle in for testing because it tasted strange, and the water was found to contain semen.

The jury found Lallana, 32, committed the acts for sexual gratification.

He should be committed to a freak’in hospital!

Dude Looks Pretty Good for Being 500 Years Old

The arrest of an American man who broke into a woman’s house and tried to suck her blood over the weekend has sparked discussion about the impact of vampire books and movies on U.S. youth culture.

Whether pop culture played a role in the attack remains to be seen, as 19-year-old Lyle Monroe Bensley awaits a psychiatric evaluation in jail on burglary charges in Galveston, Texas.

Found growling and hissing in a parking lot and wearing only boxer shorts, the pierced and tattooed Bensley claimed he was a 500-year-old vampire who needed to “feed,” Galveston Police Capt. Jeff Heyse said.

Vampires have been a focal point of literature since Bram Stoker’s 1897 novel, “Dracula”. But fascination, particularly among young people, has peaked in recent years with the popularity of the “Twilight” books about teenage vampires and the television series, “True Blood.”

Just a screw-ball in my humble opinion.

I Don’t Want to Work Here…it is Dead

What a downer, it is hard enough to find a job these days but now this woman probably needs a decade of therapy before she can even attend another interview! An Arizona woman expecting a job interview instead found her two potential employers dead when she arrived at their home.

Police in Scottsdale, Ariz., are investigating a double shooting after the bodies of a man and woman were discovered on the front patio.

There were “obvious signs of physical trauma to both bodies,” police said in a news release.

A woman, who has not been named, showed up at the home Thursday morning to interview for a job as a professional assistant. She saw the bodies near the front door and called 911. Police said she told them she did not personally know the residents of the house.

Yum, Jello with Human DNA

This is pretty gross!  I really never knew where gelatin came from but this is just too much!  Gelatin is found in everything from Jell-O and marshmallows to cosmetics and candles. But the current method of taking gelatin from the skin and bones of cows and pigs has a number of drawbacks, including variation in quality from batch to batch, the potential for transmitting infectious diseases like Mad Cow and the possibility of triggering immune system responses in humans. We may not have to rely on pig bones for  gelatin forever, though the newest option–human derived gelatin–isn’t too appetizing.

Read the full article here.