The Onion really cracks me up. I guess enough time has passed since 9/11 that they can get away with this very funny tongue-in-cheek article. Here are my favorite excerpts:
In an alarming development with wide-reaching implications for America’s safety, Department of Homeland Security head Michael Chertoff and CIA Director Michael Hayden issued a joint report Monday warning that the next 9/11 could in fact occur on a different date.
“While 9/11 has historically always fallen on 9/11, we as Americans need to be prepared for a wide range of dates,” Chertoff said during a White House press conference. “There’s a chance we could all find ourselves living in a post-6/10 world as early as next July. Unless, that is, we’re already living in a pre-2/14 world.”
Hayden also said he was certain that at least one of the world’s 6.7 billion human beings will plot the future 5/24 or 3/17 attacks, and that it will most likely target either the nation’s subways, seaports, landmarks, stadiums, buildings, structures, or other indoor or outdoor areas where large groups of people tend to gather.
Read the entire hilirious article here