Condom in Bad Taste

I am sure the Royal family is not happy about this one! British manufacturer Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction has announced the launch of their royal wedding collector’s edition condoms to celebrate the April 29 marriage of Kate Middleton and Prince William.

“Crown Jewels Royal Wedding Souvenir prophylactics are a unique way to remember this great British occasion. All at Crown Jewels have worked tirelessly to craft these heirloom quality love sheaths. In years to come, they will be a timeless memento of a magical wedding day,” company spokesman Hugh Pomfret said in a release.

Along with the special condoms, the box comes with a pastel souvenir portrait of what the couple might look like on their wedding day.

“Combining the strength of a prince with the yielding sensitivity of a princess-to-be, Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction promises a royal union of pleasure and style,” the release said.

The condoms cost about $8.  Now that is an expensive rubber!

More Bad Parenting

It is always a good idea to teach a kid the value of money but this is going a tad bit too far! A Bonita Springs woman is accused of skipping out on a restaurant bill, leaving her 12-year-old daughter behind and then calling the Sheriff’s Office to say her daughter was kidnapped.

Melissa Ashley Graham, 38, of the 28000 block of Vermillion Lane, was charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor/causing a minor to become needy and with obstruction of a criminal investigation/filing a false report about a missing person.

According to Lee County Sheriff’s Office reports:

Deputies were called to Bonefish Grill, 26381 U.S. 41 South in Bonita Springs, about a woman who didn’t pay her bill and left her daughter behind.

Matthew McNeff, the restaurant manager, told deputies the girl told him her mother was outside.

They walked outside and found Graham in her car. Graham said she left a credit card on the table to pay the bill. He told Graham the card wasn’t on the table and he needed another form of payment.

The mother said she was with someone named Pagellis and that person would get the money. The girl said they were not with a person named Pagellis, which is the name of a restaurant. The mother then left the parking lot.

Deputies spoke with the girl, who said Graham had ordered dinner and a bottle of wine and drank two or three glasses. Her mother then “began to act weird, spit out her bread on the table and shoved her food across the table” and told the girl to “get a box.” The mother left and the girl waited for her return.

Graham called her daughter on a cellular telephone, asked where she was and then disconnected the call. Deputies attempted to call Graham back, but she did not answer.

About an hour later, Graham called 911 and said her daughter was abducted from the restaurant by two Hispanic or dark-colored men, about 20 to 30 years old, driving a light colored or cream sedan.

At first Graham declined to speak with detectives, but changed her mind and gave a statement. The Florida Department of Children and Family Services took custody of the girl.

Graham claims she is an attorney, but a search of the Florida Bar Association website did not find a person by that name.  Just another wack-job if you ask me.

Those Romantic Canucks

Those crazy Canadians were saying “be my valentine, Valentine” on Valentines Day! It seems Canadians have a romantic soft spot when it comes to names, genealogical experts say.

Digging up census results from 1861, officials discovered 580 people had the first name Valentine, and 100 others shared the surname.

They also found 14 people had the first name Amor, while 18 had it as their last name. And there were also dreamy names like Love Bully, Cupid Martin and Venus Antahia.

Other romantic names in the country’s history include Love Burns, a 13-year-old from Harbourville, N.S., during the 1871 census. There was also Lover Woo, who arrived in Canada from China in 1907 and lived in Humboldt, Sask., at the time of the 1911 census.

Then there was Bad Heart Lasuisse, a 70-year-old widower who lived with family members in the Territories in 1901.

“These records show that Canadians throughout history have had a penchant for romance,” managing director for Roger Dunbar said in a release.  I believe this to be true, being Canadian myself!!  Love ya all!

Lighter Side of Getting Canned

After burning through 10 jobs in 10 years Franklin Scheinder decided to make a living telling his crummy job story! Schneider has skimmed money off token sales at a mall arcade, manned the cash register overnight at a XXX video store, harassed people during dinner as a telemarketer, worked at a failed start-up and shredded millions of dollars worth of contracts at a construction company (no one seemed to care).

And while his vivid descriptions of creepy regulars and unpleasant duties at the porn shop might have you believe he’d reached the bottom of the barrel, for Schneider, it was still a notch above telemarketing.

“Telemarketing required that you actively exploit people, whereas the porn shop was just selling people things to look at while they touched their genitals,” he said.

As it turned out, Schneider became quite good at exploiting people. For one week he said he was the top-selling telemarketer in America.

Despite his success (he even earned the executive parking spot), Schneider’s favorite crappy job was writing for Commotion, a doomed startup company that hoped to sell digital music and movies to college kids.

“Once it became clear that the business was going to fail and all hope was lost, it got sort of interesting. Fistfights, screaming matches, lots of [expletive]. It was like ‘Lord of the Flies’ with beanbag chairs and [worthless] stock options,” he told AOL News.

Today, Schneider remains happily out of work in Washington, D.C. His unemployment ran out at the beginning of last summer after 102 consecutive weeks. Although the system mandates a continued job search, he had been sending out a resume littered with typos, bad fonts and emoticons to ensure that no one would hire him.

Schneider is now “pretty much still coasting” from his book advance and occasional freelance writing.

“As I was writing the book, I realized that I will never work again. Even if I wanted to, I’m now completely incapable of holding down a job,” he said. “I’ve become so absorbed in my own little world, I’m like one of those kids who was raised by wolves.”

Fortunately, Schneider is blessed with cheap rent, helping him stretch his meager unemployment checks far enough to get by. He said his landlord moved to a Third World country years ago and hasn’t kept up with the rising property values.  Go Franklin go, all the power to your success!

Big Rewards to Catch Smokers

Ratting on neighbours who light up in secret can be lucrative in Sweden, where a landlords’ association said it would offer a nice reward for turning in people who violate a strict smoking ban in a residential building.

“I have decided to offer a reward of 5,000 kronor (560 euros, 740 dollars) to our tenants for helping us discover which people are smoking” in buildings where it is banned, said Hans Selling, the head of communal landlords Mitthem in Sundsvall, some 400 kilometres (250 miles) north of Stockholm.

“This is not about looking for informants,” Selling insisted to AFP.

“After receiving the information, it is up to us to determine if the person in question is actually smoking. An anonymous tip-off here and there is not enough to get the reward,” he said.

The initiative concerns a building in Sundsvall where residents in all 121 apartments are required to adhere to a strict smoking ban, entailing aplying “in the apartments, on the balconies or anywhere,” Selling explained.

He brushed aside criticism of the move, insisting that the end justifies the means.

“It is extremely serious that people who have signed up for a non-smoking residence decide to light up, while it is the people suffering from asthma who have expressly chosen this residence who are forced to move,” he said.

Anyone found to be smoking in the building will be evicted, he added.  Smoking bounty hunters, who would have thunked.

Odd Statue

I guess a Polish joke is not politically correct but they did spend $300,000 on this statue to commemorate a bear that apparently fought along side the army against the Nazis!

The £200,000 monument is to commemorate the extraordinary life of  Wojtek, a 6ft tall, 500 pound brown bear who served alongside Polish soldiers — and lived out his years after the war in Edinburgh Zoo.

Yogi Does Not Eat or Drink

And I don’t mean the cartoon character Yogi the Bear!  We are talking about the other kind of Yogi but this is obviously BS, or I think it is?  Prahlad Jani, an 82-year-old Indian yogi, is making headlines by claims that for the past 70 years he has had nothing — not one calorie — to eat and not one drop of liquid to drink. To test his claims, Indian military doctors put him under round-the-clock observation during a two-week hospital stay that ended last week, news reports say. During that time he didn’t ingest any food or water – and remained perfectly healthy, the researchers said.

But that’s simply impossible, said Dr. Michael Van Rooyen an emergency physician at Harvard’s Brigham and Women’s Hospital, an associate professor at the medical school, and the director of the Harvard Humanitarian Initiative – which focuses on aid to displaced populations who lack food and water.

Van Rooyen says that depending on climate conditions like temperature and humidity, a human could survive five or six days without water, maybe a day or two longer in extraordinary circumstances. We can go much longer without food – even up to three months if that person is taking liquids fortified with vitamins and electrolytes.

Bobby Sands, an Irish Republican convicted of firearms possession and imprisoned by the British, died in 1981 on the 66th day of his hunger strike. Gandhi was also known to go long stretches without food, including a 21-day hunger strike in 1932.

Jani, dubbed “the starving yogi” by some, did have limited contact with water while gargling and periodically bathing, reported the news wire service AFP. While researchers said they measured what he spit out, Van Rooyen said he’s clearly getting fluid somehow.

“You can hold a lot of water in those yogi beards. A sneaky yogi for certain,” he said. “He MUST take in water. The human body cannot survive without it.” The effects of food and water deprivation are profound, Van Rooyen explained. “Ultimately, instead of metabolizing sugar and glycogen [the body’s energy sources] you start to metabolize fat and then cause muscle breakdown. Without food, your body chemistry changes. Profoundly malnourished people autodigest, they consume their own body’s resources. You get liver failure, tachycardia, heart strain. You fall apart.”

The yogi, though, would already be dead from lack of hydration. If he really went without any liquids at all, his cardiovascular system would have collapsed. “You lose about a liter or two of water per day just by breathing,” Van Rooyen said. You don’t have to sweat, which the yogi claims he never does. That water loss results in thicker blood and a drop in blood pressure.