Weird Advice on How to Win Any Argument

Spotted this thread over at DigitalPoint forums and thought most of it was quite amusing.

How to win any argument! :)))

I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don’t even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:

Make things up!

Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you’re damned if you’re going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON’T say: “I think Peruvians are underpaid.” Say: “The average Peruvian’s salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level.”

NOTE: Always make up exact figures.

If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up, too. Say: “This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon’s study for the Buford Commission published May 9, 1982. Didn’t you read it?” Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say “You left your soiled underwear in my bath house.”

Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases.

Memorize this list:

  • Let me put it this way
  • In terms of
  • Vis-a-vis
  • Per se
  • As it were
  • Qua
  • So to speak

You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as “Q.E.D.,” “e.g.,” and “i.e.” These are all short for “I speak Latin, and you do not.”

Here’s how to use these words and phrases. Suppose you want to say:

“Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don’t have enough money.”

You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say: “Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Q.E.D.”

Only a fool would challenge that statement!

Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks.

You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:

  • You’re begging the question.
  • You’re being defensive.
  • Don’t compare apples and oranges.
  • What are your parameters?

This last one is especially valuable. Nobody, other than mathematicians, has the vaguest idea what “parameters” means.

Here’s how to use your comebacks:

You say – As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873…
Your opponents says – Lincoln died in 1865.
You say – You’re begging the question.


You say – Liberians, like most Asians…
Your opponents says – Liberia is in Africa.
You say – You’re being defensive.

Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler.

This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say: “That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say” or “You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler.”

You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons!

Credit to Rumata

Girl With 2 Hearts Amazes Doctors

2 hearts imageHere is an amazing story about Hannah Clark is a 16-year-old with a shy laugh and a love of animals and babies. She likes to go shopping with friends and dreams of a career working with children.
But Hannah Clark is no ordinary teenager and her normal life today could not have been possible without a unique, life-changing heart surgery. In 1994 when she was eight-months-old, Hannah was diagnosed with cardiomyopathy — an inflammation of the heart muscle that impairs the heart’s ability to work properly.

Hannah’s heart was failing and she needed a transplant. But instead of taking her own heart out, doctors added a new donated heart to her own when she was just two-years-old. The so-called “piggyback” operation allowed the donor heart to do the work while Hannah’s heart rested. But Hannah was not in the clear yet. As with any organ transplant, Hannah’s body was likely to reject her new heart and she had to take powerful immune suppression drugs.

Those drugs allowed her body to accept the donor heart but also led to cancer and yet another medical battle for Hannah that lasted for years.  Nearly 11 years after receiving the extra heart, there was more bad news: The immuno-suppression drugs were no longer working. Hannah’s body was rejecting the donor heart.

In February 2006, her doctors tried something that had never been done before: They took out the donor heart. Doctors theorized that the donor heart had allowed Hannah’s heart to rest, recover and grow back stronger.  Now for the first time Hannah’s father, Paul Clark, describes the agonizing decision the family had to make at the time: “If she’d never had it done, she wouldn’t be here.

“In the very beginning it was a 50/50 chance she wasn’t going to make the operation. But in the next one it was even greater because it had never been done before. But we had to take that risk,” he told CNN. The doctors were right. Three years later, Hannah has no need for any drugs and has been given a clean bill of health. The operation was a success.

“It means everything to me,” Hannah told CNN after the pioneering operation. “I thought I’d still have problems when I had this operation done. I thought after the heart had been removed I thought I’d have to visit hospitals. But now I’m just free,” she said, smiling. Dr. Magdi Yacoub performed Hannah’s original transplant and came out of retirement to perform the second.

“The possibility of recovery of the heart is just like magic.” Dr. Yacoub said at a media conference. “[We had] a heart which was not contracting at all at the time. We put the new heart to be pumping next to it and take its work, now [it] is functioning normally.”

The findings have been published in the British medical journal, this seems like a true miracle.  I am curious how the old heart was able to still beat, because you think as a muscle that was not being used it would have went into atrophy.

Crazy Bad Luck for Porche Owner

Porche 911 Sports Car in a Sad State

I have had a love of everything Porche since seeing the movie Risky Business, Tom Cruise was so cool. So to see a sweet, lovely silver Porche 911 in this condition made me want to cry – and wait till you hear how it got this way!

On June 7, 2009 at approximately 9:30 am in a quite Atlanta suburb, Richard Beccond left his house for work and took the Forline Turnpike like he did every day. At 9:45 a wide-load hauler was moving a slew of construction equipment with one of those vehicles being a 5 ton crane with a wrecking ball attached. To make a long story a little shorter lets skip to the part where the hauler flips on the overpass and the crane falls off and the wrecking ball swings across the turnpike below smashing into this beautiful 911 Porche!! Now it is only good for a junk yard and because the driver miraculously survived there is a rumor he will donate his car to a local charity.

While I support all types of auto recycling, I think after this amount of bad luck this car should be sunk to the bottom of the ocean.  I would hate to have some recycled piece of this in any new product of mine!

Strange Bar-Mitzvah

It was the scene of a sacred Jewish ceremony of a boy crossing the path to adulthood. The young boy read from the Torah during his bar mitzvah, his guests enjoyed a catered kosher spread and the proud father returned to his cell. The party for the son of a convicted scam artist was held at a New York City jail, and city taxpayers paid overtime for some of the jail staff to help out.

New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg was fuming Thursday after learning of the Jewish ceremony celebrating the boy’s coming-of-age held at the lower Manhattan lockdown known as The Tombs. A Correction Department spokesman confirmed that five staff members were disciplined over the December party, which was reported in the New York Post on Thursday.

Bloomberg said the bar mitzvah should not have happened. “I don’t care how you sugarcoat it or how you define it, it’s sort of through the looking glass,” the mayor said, adding that the city Department of Investigations was looking into the incident. The bar mitzvah host, Tuvia Stern, was accused in June 1989 along with his brother Ephraim of stealing $1.7 million through two scams including a bogus deal to lease back office equipment and a check-kiting scheme targeting Morgan Guaranty Trust.

While out on $250,000 bail, Tuvia Stern fled to Brazil with his wife and five children. Stern was detained in 2006 while trying to enter England and was returned to the United States last year. Stern, 47, pleaded guity earlier this year to bail jumping and to grand larceny from the 1989 indictment; he was sent to Woodbourne state prison in the Hudson Valley in April.

The bar mitzvah took place Dec. 30 in the jail’s gym. About 60 guests attended, and Stern was allowed to use his own kosher caterer. Stern also was permitted to swap his jail garb for more festive clothing, and guests kept their cellphones, which normally are not allowed in city jails. A popular Orthodox singer, Yaakov Shwekey, performed.

The party was so successful that Stern held a small engagement party for his daughter at the same venue four months later. Rabbi Leib Glanz, the chaplain who arranged the bar mitzvah, was suspended for two weeks, and four other staff members lost two weeks of vacation each. Correction Department spokesman Stephen Morello said he could not comment on the incident beyond confirming that several correction employees worked overtime and that some corrections officials were disciplined.

I guess this scammer used some of his ill-gotten loot to bribe the powers-that-be.

Weird Baseball News

In weird baseball news we check in with an aggressive umpire that took a dislike to the entire crowd, ejecting them all! An umpire has emptied the stands at a high school baseball game, ejecting the entire crowd of more than 100 fans for being unruly.
Umpire Don Briggs said he had no problem with any of the student athletes during Thursday’s game between Winfield-Mount Union and West Burlington.
He said he had to take action because fans were being unruly, yelling and arguing. However, West Burlington Superintendent James Sleister said he didn’t see any unusual behavior and said he thought the umpire overreacted.

The game resumed after a 40-minute delay. West Burlington won 12-11. The umpire called police as a precaution. West Burlington police did not immediately respond Saturday to a call seeking comment. It is rumored that the umpire has also hired a personal security detail because of threats he received, one of them was a dead ant being left on his doorstep with a note saying, “you will be crushed like an ant for embarrassing us”.